Boyfriend refuses to let his expecting girlfriend have a C-section, claims it will ruin her body and prevent natural birth in the future: 'Ben is very traditional, his mother gave birth to 3 children naturally'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 11, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Giving birth is never a walk in the park. Whether you have a natural birth or a C-section, your insides are going to exit your body, and that's frightening. You're either going to push a football-sized living person out of your body, or your stomach will be sliced open, with your insides all spread over your body without any anesthetics. It would be challenging to choose one or the other in a game of Would You Rather. 

People criticize moms for having C-sections for the silliest reasons. It's easy to say, "Your kid wasn't born; they were removed," in a joking way, but a lot of people are genuinely judgemental about that kind of birth. They think the more you can give birth like a cavewoman in Siberia, the better. One man is insistent that his girlfriend give birth the same way his mother did: the natural way. Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend isn't going down without a fight. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10427406080
    via Heather Mount

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Boyfriend refused the C section
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    This post is about friends' of mine, I am stuck in between and would like outsiders opinion as I am being extremely careful with this situation. Ladies that did give birth, your opinion matters most. Let's call them Kate (30F) and Ben (29M), are really close friends of mine. I love them both dearly, and now stuck in awkward situation.
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    Kate and Ben are expecting their first baby in one month. Two months ago Kate announced to Ben she wants to book a C section because 1. baby is oversized 2. Kate's mom is willing to cover the whole procedure with private care, and doesn't want her to go through the pains of giving birth 3. she is scared due to the stories her new moms friend told her about their experience at a public hospital.
    via u/ElizaNite_
  • 05
    Ben is very against the C section. He insists that 1. it will ruin her body 2. she will no longer be able to give birth naturally 3. the recovery time from the surgery is worse than natural birth. However, of course if the surgery is necessary on the day, there will be no argument again that.
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    Kate insists on the surgery, saying that she will most likely end up in hours of pain, and then end up with the C section anyway. What's the point of suffering, if a C section is an option, and it will be covered financially. Ben keeps refusing.
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    Personally, I try to be as natural as possible. But this has been an ongoing argument and I am running out of things to say to both of them. It's getting more heated because she has a few weeks to book the C section. Please give me your advice / experience/arguments on this matter.
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    UPDATE: Thank you all very much! I think I will be just forwarding this to Kate and Ben. As a side note, Ben is very traditional, his mother gave birth to 3 children naturally, and I am guessing he is basing his thoughts on what he knows and how he was raised. I apologies incorrectly writing the part of "ruining her body" as a body shaming part, it is what he says, but I am sure he is concerned about what a C section would do to her insides, not what it necessarily would be like on the outside.
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    Good question about what doctors recommend. Natural birth is a green light, baby is great and healthy, mother is as well. There was no push for the surgery from the medical side, this C section is mostly her desire. Regardless, thank you everyone!
    via u/ElizaNite_
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    SamuelVimesTrained What do specialists recommend? Wouldn't their advice, plus the wish of the one giving birth be the leading thing here?
    via u/SamuelVimesTrained
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    CJefferyF Dude if they bring up c-section it's probably gonna happen. My mom had 2. I'm the adoptive 3rd because she has her tubes tied for preemptively.
    via u/CJefferyF
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    nooster This. I came here to say this. There is nothing worth risking the life of the mother and child. The specialists, along with the mother are the ones to make the decision. Period. His mother's experience and his prejudices have absolutely, 100% nothing to do with her's.
    via u/nooster
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    Early-Pie6440 A C-section is by no means easy or painless but it is 100% her and her doctor's choice, Ben can only offer advice which he did but that's the end of it. Thinking he can forbid it is ridiculous. Ben can decide how HE wants to give birth when HE is pregnant.
    via u/Early-Pie6440
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    emr830 Oh come on you know if any man had to give birth it would be a c-section under general anesthesia lol
    via u/emr830
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    Dry-Expert8770 That's is important for mom to realize. My wife had both natural and c-section and natural (first baby) was so much easier on her. The second was very difficult, very painful and recovery was very long and after a year the pain from scars still really bother her. C-section, from my wife experience, is not the path you want to take unless there's medically reasons
    via u/Dry-Expert8770
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    fuzzy_mic 1d ago • Top 10% Commenter Ben doesn't get a vote. Neither does Kate's mom. Neither do you. Mother and doctor are the only two votes that count.
    via u/fuzzy_mic
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    Plenty-Maybe-9817 I've had 3 c-sections. Ben is right about concern for recovery time. It's longer and harder than a smooth natural birth. Which is not guaranteed. Your abdominal wall is literally sliced through so it does damage a major muscle group and in some cases the damage could require surgery to repair, could leave excess scar tissue etc. I personally experienced permanent nerve damage to the area and am numb all around my scars. For many women lower abdomen is a very erogenous zone so t
    via u/Plenty-Maybe-9817
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    Statistically it does reduce her chance of natural birth in the future but it's not certain. But- Having labored for 48 hours trying to birth a 9 1/2 lb baby only to have a c-section. I would go back and do a planned cesarean in a heartbeat. Birthing any baby is incredibly hard, but a huge baby is a big risk for lots of other difficulties.
    via u/Plenty-Maybe-9817
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    A different body is not a RUINED body. What a dumbass. Oh not to mention it's HER BODY! It does not exist for his consumption. SHE GETS TO DECIDE. Ben s ks, if his concern was for his actual baby I could see a valid argument. But it's not. Time to sit down and shut up.
    via u/Plenty-Maybe-9817
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    Cephalopodium I had a planned c section, and I really think there is a huge difference in trauma/recovery time when you have a planned one. I loved my planned c section. Ironically, my planned c section would have turned into an emergency one since my body decided to go full bore preeclampsia. I was hospitalized for almost a week, but that's because my stupid blod pressure would NOT go down. No one could figure out why. I was remarkably much perkier than the other new moms once they cleared me f
    via u/Cephalopodium
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    RevolutionaryDiet686 Having gone through both types of delivery with my children there are many differences. Recovery and pain levels are something she can talk with her doctor about. He does not really get to decide. Neither will ruin her body.
    via u/RevolutionaryDiet686
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    peachpinkjedi And how disgusting that he was so concerned about her "ruining her body" before anything else.
    via u/peachpinkjedi
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    jzavcer What is it gonna be next, no epidural cause it might impact the baby? Dude is watching too much of that alpha male tiktok/youtube/x bull . She should be doing what she feels is right by her.
    via u/jzavcer
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    firstname_m_lastname NTA. I had a c-section and then a vaginal birth. (It was the '90s and vbacs were all the rage) and let me tell you, they both for different reasons. Neither one "ruins" your body. What does ruin things is an ignorant, dumbass partner, which I also had. This argument is probably not the beginning of the problems in this relationship, and it most certainly not the last. My advice to you is to support your girlfriend the best you can, knowing what a j she has saddled herself wi
    via u/firstname_m_lastname

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